My two lovely children have been battling a little with each other of late and while this may not seem like a topic for this expressive arts site....it is!  Both children complain that the other never listens to him/her.  They feel quite strongly that they would be happier if the other would only do what he/she wants them to do. Sound familiar?  I find that when am in a situation that feels bad to me, I've usually got a should story running.   Someone or  something is not as I deem it should be and of course, I am right.   Well,  how does that work for you?  Not so well  for me either.

Well....here is what I told my children.  When someone is bugging me,  I have to ask myself, ' what have I been focusing on'.  I used an example from a few years back when my husband and I were in a less happy place.  A friend asked me whether I was focusing more on what bothered me about my husband or more on what I loved about him.  The answer was a resounding...what bothers me.  Here's the truth:  What you focus on, you get!  That is just the way it is.  Here is the proof.  I sat down after that and wrote down all the things I loved about my husband. I read it in the morning, I read it during lunch,  I ready when I had a break, I read it in the evening and I especially read it when something was happening that I didn't like.  I talked, breathed, lived all that I loved about him.  With a little bit of effort and some dedication to focusing on what I loved, I got more of what I loved and less of what I  don't love.  Even now, when something happens and say for example, he takes a stronger tone than I love...he'll stop and apologize explaining that his level of frustration was over the top and he had to let it out.  So even the not so desirable is even easier to take.  My kids were surprised by this and a little resistant.  They wanted to be right more than they wanted to feel better.  I feel that way sometimes too.  I recently went through something where I didn't want to hear anything about shifting my focus and that sometimes there are situations that are just wrong...true, but if I hold on to it and hold on to it, then I am the one who suffers.  So try it,  Shift your focus and see what happens.  If you need help doing it,  create some art around it...the visuals are really powerful!!!!  Create art all about what you love about your partner, your life, your kids, your boss, your....  Then let the image fill your mind every time you find yourself in that situation.  See what happens. 

 


Comments

Cindy

Wed, 23 Dec 2009 19:59:44

I'm sorry about this late comment to your "focusing" post, but I have to tell you that when Dan and I were having problems years ago, we did just what you described. We focused on all the things that we loved about each other, rather than all the little idiosyncrasies that drove us crazy. Everything shifted as a result and our marriage has never been the same. Even though years have past, the effects of that choice are manifest today. When arriving home, he came rushing over to the car, put his arms around me, and told me how beautiful I am and how much he loves me. I responded in kind. These simple gestures of love are what draw us closer, bind us to each other, and give us tremendous anticipation for the years that we have ahead of us to share in this loving manner. It truely is a powerful shift in perspective that qualitatively changes a relationship.

 



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