It's funny to me how life has a way of working things out.  Elien, the homeopath, was teetering between two different remedies. Of this, I was unaware.  Oddly enough, I developed a malady that required medical attention during this period.  Coincidentally, I ran into Elien in the office of the school both our children attend.  She excitedly told me she had so much to share but needed just a little time to confirm her thinking.  I shared with her my malady and I swear I could have picked her chin up off the floor.  She told me in that moment that she now knew what I needed and could we meet on Friday.

Friday came and I sat in her lovely, warm space and learned that she had been stuck in deciding between two remedies and that she had asked for guidance.  This was the same day that she had run in to me and I had told her of the malady.  Here's where it gets really cool.  She was battling between Calcarea Carbonica and Carcinosum.  When I  told her of the abscess on my breast, she knew that it was the Carcinosum that I needed for this remedy is derived from "breast cancer tissue".  It is amazing to me how things work and they always do.  This wasn't ultimately going to be my 'constitutional remedy' but turns out to be a critical first layer remover.  And that it did. 

I took the first few pellets and waited.  Within days I could feel the energy moving in my chest and knew that something was happening.  I think that it is really important to say that these remedies are not magic pills...this remedy required work from me.  It demanded that I step up and listen to my heart, that I honor my deepest wishes.  Where I did my work, the changes were remarkable.  I walked away from work that has been a part of my life for 23 years and away from people that I cared deeply about.  I knew that I needed to choose a different road and that this remedy demanded that I look at that.  So look I did!  I wrote down each day the physical changes that I experienced.  I wrote down my dreams.  I wrote down my thoughts and emotional reactions. I created art with amazing gifts in them.  Elien painstakingly listened to all of this and helped me walk through the messages of my mind, body and spirit.  My dreams showed me that it was time to fly, to honor my integrity and my spirit.  Within the first five months of taking this remedy I walked away from my career, spoke up for my beliefs, lived my principles and values, and began to take care of me.  Weight began to fall away (still more to go) but fall away it did.  I could feel the toxicity that I had created begin to cleanse itself and it was good.
 
 
It all began roughly one year ago during a retreat that I was planning for a group of people.  I was setting up massage sessions and yoga sessions and art groups and who knows what else...in this process, I met someone; a woman who was offering to lead a session of Zen Touch.  We sat at a table in the middle of a large meeting room; a place where people come and go all moments of the day.  As I sat with her I felt this bubble around us and it was as if it was only the two of us talking in the midst of all the activity.  Have you ever had that experience with someone you meet?  It hasn't happened very often for me so I knew that this lady was something special or at least that we had a very good connection.  We talked about everything under the sun...my work, her work, our dreams, hopes and wishes.  I learned that she practiced homeopathy and massage therapy and that she worked as a doula.  We parted company and she was set  to lead the Zen Touch session. 

The retreat came and went and I knew that I needed to see this lady.  I had a fairly chronic problem with some female issues and was in great need of bodywork as the woman I had worked with for years had recently moved out of state.  So I set an appt. with her for bodywork.  When I entered her office ready for a massage, I quickly discovered that there were other plans in place.  She took a physical, mental,emotional and spiritual history querying me about the origins of my cycle issues, life history, patterns and much, much more.   As the story unfolded, it became clear that I wasn't there for a  massage but that what I really needed was her wisdom around homeopathy.  I left her office with a feeling of hope and excitement.  I knew that she had really heard the fears, worries, dreams and physical manifestations that result from those thoughts and I knew that she would work hard on my behalf to help me walk this journey. 

What I have come to learn is that Homeopathy is not only science but also artistry. This kind of work takes time and reflection.   She spent a month reviewing all my indicators, matching them to homeopathic matrices and provings and at the end of that month, she had made a decision about which remedy would be best for me.
 
 
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I can often be heard asking people to tell me their story.  I'm interested and I know that I can learn so much from hearing other people's experiences...with this in mind, I begin my next series of entries to tell you about a new and yet old story unfolding for me.  It is my hope that the telling of this story may help others in some small way...

I have been on a bit of a journey for a little while now and more recently have been working with an amazing woman who specializes in homeopathy.  While not entirely serious or grave, I have struggled with some physical symptoms that require my attention.  What is beautiful about the homeopathy process is that, like my orientation, homeopathy believes that illness originates in mental and emotional processes.  Certainly there are "organic" origins but much of what ails begins in our noodle!  She took a history unlike any that I have ever experienced.  This woman knows more about me inside and out than any other practitioner I've met.  She can now listen to something I say and tell me what my core feelings are in absolutely accurate terms.  She uses all of this data to analyze what my constitutional needs are and to recommend a remedy to help support me in moving towards greater balance.  There is amazing science behind this and I will, in the next few posts, insert links to this fascinating research.  In any case, the journey that I would like to share with you over the next several entries will tell the story of what it has been like to walk this road.  The remedy brings to the forefront of your experience a you like you might not have known or seen in awhile.  The lessons are immense.  This is not a magic pill that erases all symptoms but rather a natural counterpoint that requires the user to do their work.  It has taken me into interesting art, writing, dream work and reflection.  The intelligence of the process is astounding.  My commitment is to write a little each day for the next couple of weeks until I get the story out.  Much more to come...
 
 
My two lovely children have been battling a little with each other of late and while this may not seem like a topic for this expressive arts site....it is!  Both children complain that the other never listens to him/her.  They feel quite strongly that they would be happier if the other would only do what he/she wants them to do. Sound familiar?  I find that when am in a situation that feels bad to me, I've usually got a should story running.   Someone or  something is not as I deem it should be and of course, I am right.   Well,  how does that work for you?  Not so well  for me either.

Well....here is what I told my children.  When someone is bugging me,  I have to ask myself, ' what have I been focusing on'.  I used an example from a few years back when my husband and I were in a less happy place.  A friend asked me whether I was focusing more on what bothered me about my husband or more on what I loved about him.  The answer was a resounding...what bothers me.  Here's the truth:  What you focus on, you get!  That is just the way it is.  Here is the proof.  I sat down after that and wrote down all the things I loved about my husband. I read it in the morning, I read it during lunch,  I ready when I had a break, I read it in the evening and I especially read it when something was happening that I didn't like.  I talked, breathed, lived all that I loved about him.  With a little bit of effort and some dedication to focusing on what I loved, I got more of what I loved and less of what I  don't love.  Even now, when something happens and say for example, he takes a stronger tone than I love...he'll stop and apologize explaining that his level of frustration was over the top and he had to let it out.  So even the not so desirable is even easier to take.  My kids were surprised by this and a little resistant.  They wanted to be right more than they wanted to feel better.  I feel that way sometimes too.  I recently went through something where I didn't want to hear anything about shifting my focus and that sometimes there are situations that are just wrong...true, but if I hold on to it and hold on to it, then I am the one who suffers.  So try it,  Shift your focus and see what happens.  If you need help doing it,  create some art around it...the visuals are really powerful!!!!  Create art all about what you love about your partner, your life, your kids, your boss, your....  Then let the image fill your mind every time you find yourself in that situation.  See what happens. 

 
 
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I find that when I am feeling a little off and am uncertain about what it is about that this tool, altered text, is by far one of the most powerful tools that I have.  It's simple really...you sit down with an old book (I get them at thrift stores for very little money).  You rip tons of pages out so that you have room for art and embellishments...keep ripping even when you think you haven't ripped enough.  Once this is done, you always have a text available to work in.  I usually open to a random page holding my befuddlement (yes,this is a real word) in my mind.  I look over the page and take note of words and phrases that jump out at me. 
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To begin,  I paint over the page with Acrylic Gel Medium.  This protects the page and allows you to mask off the words that have spoken to you.  Let the medium dry completely!!!!  Hair dryers work wonders!  Then use masking fluid to mask off the words you selected.  Again, let it dry completely.  The masking fluid allows you to paint over the page while protecting the print that you want to come through.  Once dry,  create your background.  Paint is one of my favorites as it allows me to create all kinds of textures and feels to the page.  Let the paint dry and then peel off the masking fluid.  You will be able to see it because they look like paint raised blisters.  Peel them off just like you would skin on a sunburn.  Kind of gross image, sorry!  Now embellish the text and background.  Let your imagination soar. 

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Finally, spend some time with the page reflecting on the gift of the words and the art.  This does take some time and other times it hits you pretty square in the eyes.  The images in this post reflect a wide range of pieces for me, each one reflecting where I needed to go next and how I needed to shift my energy.  Ahhh, the power of altered text!

 
 
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This piece grew out of a hike at a nearby trail.  I set out one early morning with my daughter to enjoy our "mountain" and to connect with nature.  As we headed out on the trail I looked down and saw this root in the trail.  I knew that I had to create art with it so I picked it up, left a gift in return and carried it with me throughout the entire hike.    

The next day was a group day at the teen center where I work.  We were working on the idea of recovery and what it felt like, looked like, etc. in our lives.  I was using a technique called "object art", in which you choose an object as a symbol of, in this case, your recovery.  Once you select the object, you begin to create around it.  You can use paint, fabric, collage, whatever moves you.

I was really clear that this root was a critical symbol of my recovery.  A word here on recovery...I am using this word very broadly.  It is my belief that we are all in and out of recovery all the time.  It doesn't mean that all of us use and abuse a substance but it does mean that we all move in and out of our balanced and complete states and any time we are attempting to return to our original state we are in the process of recovery.  So it is with this definition in mind that I began this project.

What I learned is profound.  It was the classic roots and wings conversation.  In order to fly, I must be rooted in truth, the earth, who I am, my principles and then and only then can I fly, like Prometheus, close to the sun. 

I love this piece.  It is simple but is filled with motion and truth and hope and is a reminder of what I need to remember to return to my original state.


 
 
I have just returned from a week of traveling.  I spent a few days backpacking on Mount San Jacinto with my family and then met my lovely sisters in the Napa Valley for some fun and relaxation.  Here is what I am exploring today....can this set of experiences be considered a form of expressive arts?

While it may seem trivial to even consider such a thing...I love the idea of playing with this question.  As I climbed the mountain and breathed in the chilly air,  I felt an incredible sense of restoration and healing.  The trees, the soil, the granite that surrounded me represented the absolute perfect expression of peace and serenity that so many of us seek.  As I required my body to exert itself and climb, I felt the release of stress and anxiety that builds up from day to day life...the mountain is easy...YES,  hike away and spend time in nature,  it is an absolute expression of healing and release.

Okay, on to Napa Valley...
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The journey began with this lovely meal laid before me.  My sisters and I chose a place called Hurley's for lunch.  When this sandwich arrived,  I was astounded by its beauty.  I considered...could eating food beautifully prepared and presented be considered an exercise in Expressive Arts....I did not create the piece BUT eating it brought me tremendous joy and community and frankly, happiness!  It isn't unlike sharing a piece of art in community and everyone who hears about and sees that experience grows because of that person's creation....so....YES, eating food beautifully prepared and presented is an expressive arts experience as well.

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A beautiful entrance to a winery...just had to stop while on the bike ride to take this shot...photography is a form of expressive arts!

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An amazing cluster of cabernet grapes...perhaps drinking wine is not an expressive arts...although, I am clearly open to hearing any argument supporting it....the photography of beauty such as this brings great benefit to one's psyche...If we could look at all the photos I took I wonder what it might teach me about all that I noticed on this trip...perhaps a gift there?
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And then, of course,  there is the benefit that comes from community while traveling....These are  my sisters.  I am on the left and my sister Cindy sits beside me and Tere on the far right.  BTW, it is important for you to know that Cindy isn't happy with this picture as it doesn't capture the depth of happiness that she felt at this moment in our travels nor does it reflect the joy that she felt in being together with us so pretend she looks that way!  In any event, here I am having a new experience at an amazing winery, steeped in community, immersed in beauty and generally, feeling as restored and balanced as I feel when my hands are in paint, clay or collage...My conclusion,  yes, travel is a form of expressive arts and I strongly advise you to go out into the world, open yourself up and experience the joy that comes from finding beauty, community and great food all over the world! 
 
 
I've been working on getting this particular blog entry written for a couple of weeks.  First, technical difficulties...then,  life happens!  Well, here I am finally able to sit down and think about this amazing piece of work done by many of the teens and adults that I have worked with.  The question is posed...what is the face you present to the world?  What are the parts of you that you keep hidden?
This is always a very interesting process of reflection for me as I know that I have a very strong image that I present to the world.  I make great effort to hold integrity and to share  who I am in a genuine and authentic way.  In doing this exercise recently, I was surprised to see that there is still so much work to do to keep my inner and outer experiences in alignment.  How often do we put on a smile when we really feel hurt?  How often do we deny our inner voice in order to keep the peace?  How often do we compensate in situations that we ought to stop?  What questions do you need to ask yourself in reflecting on your inner and outer faces?  What would you like to do to integrate those aspects?  Which inner faces do you choose to keep hidden and for good reason?  This is a challenging exercise but one that I find to be well worth it AND every time I engage in the task, I am pleasantly surprised!
 
A Great Quote 10/05/2009
 
I love the following quote for it reminds me to look deeply into a person as well as taking a look at myself....enjoy!

The reality is that nobody is one hundred percent bad.  They must have some good qualities if you search hard enough.  So, the tendency to see someone as completely negative is due to your own perception based on your own mental projection, rather than the true nature of that individual.
~ The 14th Dalai Lama
 
Great Tools 10/01/2009
 
Journaling is another expressive arts modality that I LOVE! It is one of the more powerful ways to shift distressing thoughts in a fairly short amount of time.  One of my favorites, and one that I just practiced, centers our thoughts on what we do and do not control.  Here's the truth:

I do not control:
Events
Weather
Time
What others Say, Do, Think, Feel, or Believe!

I do control:
What I put in my mouth
Getting out of bed
What I wear
What I say
What I believe
Where I work
Who I am with
The choices I make
The decisions I make
How I react/respond
What I think

People, myself included, often forget this and there is a very simple journaling exercise to help.  I just practiced it.  It goes like this.  When I find myself embroiled in a situation that I don't like and I find myself feeling powerless and angry, I grab my pen and my journal and I write out the scenario.  I do not edit myself.  I let it all out.
Then I make a simple two column list.  On the left side I label it: In my control.  On the right side I label it: Out of my control.  I then take all the events in the scenario and sort them.  What I usually find is that a lot of what I am upset about falls on the out of my control side.  This is why I feel powerless.  I cannot make someone do the "right" thing.  I cannot make someone tell the truth or stop conducting themselves in a manner that causes me suffering BUT I can get my thoughts in line so that my suffering is less.  I CAN make a plan about HOW I want to respond.  When I start to focus on what is in my control, the relief that comes is HUGE!  Try it and let me know how it works for you.  This exercise can, in a very short amount of time, shift things dramatically!  Happy Writing!